Advice on Dealing with Family

“…And I want to remind you of the saying of the Prophet  (صلى الله عليه و سلم): “The believer who mixes with the people and is patient with the harm they inflict is better than the believer who doesn’t mix with the people and isn’t patient with the harm they inflict,” as reported by Ahmad and others from Ibn ‘Umar.

Based on this, what I advise you to do is to be patient with your family and to withstand their harm and to strive to give them da’wah and try to save them from the Fire, as in the verse: {“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is men and stones. It has stern, severe Angels watching over it who don’t disobey Allah in what He orders them with, and they do all that they are ordered.”} [at-Tahrim; 6]

And I hope you don’t think of leaving the house and abandoning them. Exhaust all means of da’wah with them, especially if staying with them will have some effect on even a few of them.

Beware of starting off in a harsh and extreme way that will turn them off. Rather, talk to them according to what they understand with wisdom and kindness, as Allah Said: {“Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and kind way of speaking, and discuss with them in the best way.”} [an-Nahl; 125]

And remember the saying of the Prophet  (صلى الله عليه و سلم): “Give glad tidings, and do not turn people away,” and: “Indeed, gentleness isn’t found in something except that it beautifies it, and it isn’t removed from something except that it ruins it.”

And start with the most important issues, and go in order. Don’t get into arguments with them over secondary matters while their principles are messed up. Instead, begin by addressing the principles, and if you happen to come across problems in secondary issues, tie it to the main principles and don’t make your enmity with them except when it comes to the basic principle of the Religion, Tawhid, its nullifiers, and what breaks its firm handhold…”

Original Arabic

74 Responses to “Advice on Dealing with Family”

  1. Umm 'Atiyyah Says:

    Excellent naseeha, mashaaAllaah. BaarakAllaahu feek. May Allaah ta’aala preserve Sh. Abu Muhammad al-Maqdisi.

    • Islam and Muslims
      “Islam” is an Arabic word which means “submission to the will of God”. This word comes from the same root as the Arabic word “salam”, which means “peace”. As such, the religion of Islam teaches that in order to achieve true peace of mind and surety of heart, one must submit to God and live according to His Divinely revealed Law. The most important truth that God revealed to mankind is that there is nothing divine or worthy of being worshipped except for Almighty God, thus all human beings should submit to Him.

      Who is Muslim
      The word “Muslim” means one who submits to the will of God, regardless of their race, nationality or ethnic background. Being a Muslim entails wilful submission and active obedience to God, and living in accordance with His message. Some people mistakenly believe that Islam is just a religion for Arabs, but nothing could be further from the truth. Not only are there converts to Islam in every corner of the world, especially in England and America, but by taking a look at the Muslim World from Bosnia to Nigeria, and from Indonesia to Morocco, one can clearly see that Muslims come from many various races, ethnic groups and nationalities. It is also interesting to note that in actuality, more than 80% of all Muslims are not Arabs – there are more Muslims in Indonesia than in the whole Arab World! So, though even though it is true that most Arabs are Muslims, the large majority of Muslims are not Arabs. However, anyone who submits completely to God and worships Him alone is a Muslim.

  2. abubakr007 Says:

    asalaam u alaykum warahmatullah, sorry akhy i didn’t know where to leave the message. Akhy can you not post an article regarding the disease of nationalism? is saying, “i am proud to be a indian or pakistani, or an arab allowed in islam?

    or saying.”i will sacrifice my life for my country” correct?and other points related to nationalism.

    please brother do post something regarding this matter, a lot of us suffer from this disease.

    jazakuma’Allah u khairan.

    • I think that the Ansaar (RA) used to compete in religion and Jihaad with the Muhajiroon (RA). I don’t know but if you’re competing with some other nation in religion it might even be a good thing. But boasting in ancestors and forefathers is not encouraged (i think)…

      Here’s a very relevant Hadith:-
      Narrated AbuHurayrah

      The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Allah, Most High, has removed from you the pride of the pre-Islamic period and its boasting in ancestors. One is only a
      pious believer or a miserable sinner. You are sons of Adam, and Adam came from dust. Let the people cease to boast about their ancestors. They are merely
      fuel in Jahannam; or they will certainly be of less account with Allah than the beetle which rolls dung with its nose.

  3. As Salaamu ‘Alaykum
    Does anyone know which prison Sh. Abu Muhammad (ha) is being held?

  4. Allah protect you, ameen

  5. Ibrahim AbdulWahid Says:

    May الله subhanahu wa ta’ala protect you Akhi Abu Sabaya from these kafirs and mayyou stay high in Eeman,Amiin I know your not what they make you out to be as الله Azza wa Jalla puts us all through tests America is already facing it’s downfall.

  6. Have they arrested the brother?


  7. Abul Hammaam Says:





  8. Where's the Justice Says:

    It is clear that everything they’ve accused Abu Sabaya of is what he has spoken against many times.

    How can they accuse him of planning to cause havoc at a mall when he believes killing innocent men, women and children is totally impermissible and wrong (see his translation here:
    and here:

    We all know Abu Sabaya to possess an impeccable & good character, is very humble, very balanced and an asset to his community. So for the government trying to convince us that he is otherwise (let alone a terrorist) is a futile attempt and one that cannot be believed by anyone who has sense.

    Truth shall prevail, as they say.

  9. Umm Khallad Says:

    Please join this project launched for Abu Sabaya:

  10. steeds of war Says:

    Amin , khayr insha’ Allah
    Alhumduillah , Allah is the best disposer of our affairs ,
    this is very disturbing news I just read the letter from Abu Sabayas brother and came here to check if its the same brother

    Allah loves this brother he is an Honourable brother Alhumduillah
    May Gracious Allah make this a way of accent for Abu Sabaya and strengthen him and his family and ease the hardship they are facing
    He is in my duas along with all the imprisoned ones we love feesabililah

    • murdiyyah Says:

      Here’s some advice brother
      If you pick out a fault (especially to a subject this delicate), state a solution too

      “Allaah [swt] Loves him”… *inshaAllaah!*

      Aameen to adiya

    • steeds of war Says:

      When Allah loves a person he makes the believers love him is that not true and
      [ who are the most righteous among us those who the kafr are pointing their arrows at ] said by Ali ra)
      there are other evidence of Allahs love too if you look to Quran and sunnah
      so I conclude from all evidence Allah loves him as He is putting him in a huge trial Allahu Aleem

    • steeds of war Says:

      Asalamu Alaikum WRWB , you did not offend me at all brother , this is just a feeling in my heart as I did discuss a few thing with the brother and felt his sincereity but Alhumduillah only yesterday I was listening to a talk while driving and was reminded of Abu Bakr ra) when he was khalifah who would pay everyone an equal amount some complained and said the most righteous desreve more than the slave girl , so Abu Bakr said how can I tell who is the most righteous only Allah knows that Alhumduillah so what you said is true and Jazakillah Khayr for the naseeha I will be more careful with my words insha’Allah and may Allah swt free our captives and ease their situation where ever they are ameen

    • wallahi i love brothers like your self who are not to pride to admit thier mistake.
      ameen to your dua.
      may allah swt keep us out the tagouts prisons and replace those muslims who are in prison with the enemies of islam

  11. zanjabeel Says:

    La Huwla walla quwaita Illah Billah Aleeu l Adheem
    What ever we are going to expereince we will by the decree of Allah and what ever we miss out on we do by the decree of Allah and he is the wisest judge
    All my brothers and sisters who reside in USA especially the area where our dear brother of Izza is situated please for the sake of Allah and the ummah and yourselves make as much noise possible about this injustice get organised take to the streets, use all forms of media to protest this and always make shure the brother knows your working on his side , what has happened to Abu Sabaya can happen to you or me , may Allah protect us all but we live in the west and we only want to practise our deen and be the best of people who walk the earth so fear no one but Allah and support our brother in his days of need along with the other imprisoned ones in your area
    Its very sad to come here and not find Abu Sabaya but Alhumduillah he is a favourite in our hearts masha’Allah and he is ascending and we are so pleased with him

  12. Umm Suraqah Says:

    Agreed at ukht zanjabeel.may allah hasten the release of our dear brother abu sabaya.his brother is collecting letters for him.if you are interested in writing abu sabaya a letter pleaes type it up and email it to and inshallah they will then be printed and forwarded to the lawyer.barakallah feekum.dont forget him and his family in your duaas.

  13. wa antee min khairal jazaa sis.for those near the boston area, his first pre trial hearing will be on friday October 30th at 11am.the address is Moakley Federal Courthouse, 1 Courthouse Way, Boston, MA.

    please show support to our dear brother by attending his hearings even if you have to drive a little .we have an obligation to him.cancel any plans you have to show support for your brother because we have to remember it could be our fathers husbands or brothers.may allah hasten his release allahuma ameen.

  14. murdiyyah Says:

    Please sign this petition demanding to free Abu Sabaya, it takes only a minute:

  15. Abdul-Haqq Abdul-Khaliq Says:

    visit this link

  16. Bint AbdelHamid Says:

    abukhallad, please read these translated pieces on this same site:

    The accusations against him are outrageous and ludicrous. May Allah clear his name and hasten his release.

  17. behave!

  18. First of all he is innocent of all the charges they are accusing him for!!!!!

    Second, Im really wondering have u been so ‘smart’ and ‘devoted’ in any case of mass murdering, torturing and raping of our brothers and sisters in and out of the prison’s! Were u so ‘justice’ oriented’ when they intended to commit these crimes!!!!

    Allahu ekber I wish u to be in Tariqs place one day, so that u may see what what u are questioning right now!!!

    May Allah give u what u deserve “brother”!!!!!!

  19. ar.m sorry this reply was for abukhallad not for u

  20. Bint AbdelHamid Says:

    abukhallad, please read these translated pieces on this same site:

    A Discussion Regarding the Targeting of Women and Children

    Regarding the Explosions in the Lands of the Muslims

    The accusations against the brother are outrageous and ludicrous. May Allah clear his name and hasten his release.

  21. i hope you take his place

  22. Umm Suraqah Says:

    Asalamu alaikum,please behave.This is his blog and im sure he would not want fitnah going on in the comments section.Abukhallad what do you mean by “if he is indeed guilty of what they accused him…’?Since when was it that we take the word of a kafir over the word of a muslim?Have we not been warned in the quran and sunnah about this?

    “O you who believe! If a Faasiq (liar — evil person) comes to you with any news, verify it, lest you should harm people in ignorance, and afterwards you become regretful for what you have done” [al-Hujuraat 49:6]

    I know you have not verified this abukhallad because our brother Abu Sabaya is innocent and we believe he is innocent because we take his word above theirs.

    It was narrated that Hafs ibn ‘Aasim said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is enough lying for a man to speak of everything that he hears.” Narrated by Muslim in al-Muqaddimah, 6; Saheeh al-Jaami, 4482.

    Hold yourselves from speaking something which you will regret later.What if that was you in his shoes abukhallad?You want everyone to believe the media over you?And don’t think it can’t happen to you,it can happen to anyone.Fear Allah

    And do not make duaa against each other in his blog please.Keep it clean this is a place to gain knowledge and support him,not for bickering.

    Barakallah feekum wasalamu alaikum

  23. May Allah Taa’ala protect Abu Sabaya from the slander of those with hate and injustice. Honestly, if you have nothing good to say, why don’t you keep your mouth close! May Allah Taa’ala raise your ranks with good in the akhira, Abu Sabaya. Aameen!

  24. Assalaam o alauykum akhi,

    I have a quick question to ask you.

    I have also just recently made a blog (theauthenticbase) and my theme is the same as yours, but how comes on my pages, the FULL post comes up (which i dont want), but in yours, only a short piece of it comes up and then it says “read more”????

    How do i get mine to do that?

    Jazaak-Allaahu khairun in advance,

    Wassalaam o alaykum

    Akhook: Omar

    • Umm Suraqah Says:

      walaikum asalam warahmatallahi wabarakatu akhuna omar

      It is unfortunate and sad that our dear brother Abu Sabaya is currently unable to respond to any comments or questions due to the fact that hes been arrested and currently in prison.

      please visit

  25. Umm Suraqah Says:

    and never forget him in your duaas

  26. Assalaam o alaykum,

    Allaahu akbar!!!!! No way!

    Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raji’oon!

    May Allaah release him soon, ameen!

    May Allaah bless his family with the highest of all places (al firdous al-‘alaa) thru this test, ameen.

  27. As Salamu alaykum Omar akhi when you write your post, klick on the place where you wish to split your post in two, the above that is going to show on the page and the below that will show after the reader klicks on ‘read more’. So, place your cursor on that spot and look in the toolbar above where you have options how you wish to create your post. There you will find a little icon showing a picture split in two, that is the ‘read more’ icon, klick on it and your post will be splited in two parts and on your page you will have just like here on this blog posts with that read more option

    Insha Allah hope this will help

  28. And by the way, your blog is very good, masha Allah

    If I may suggest you to use the videos of the debate between Shaykh Ahmad Deedat rahimahullah and dr. Shorosh (i think shorosh is or was his name)

    • Assalaam o alaykum akhi,

      Jazaak-Allaahu khairun for ur help. Appreciate it bro!

      Also may I ask who dr. Shorosh is? Could u plz give me the link to the lecture, and insha-Allaah ill upload it.

      Alos, please may i ask the admin to delete my previous comment on nov7 @11:09am.

      Also please check out for my new service titled “fitna free marriage service”.

      PLEASE leave ur comments as they r very uch apreciated!

      jazaak-Allaahu khair

      wassalaam o alaykum,

      Alkhookum: omar

      • Abu Sabaya is the admin of this site, and u saw where he is these days, may Allah hasten his release, Amin

        But, what is possibly wrong with that comment, there aint no reason to delete it, at least I do not see any

      • Anis Shorosh, an palestinian christian, known for his unhidden enmity towards everything that is Islamic. The culmination of his enmity he achieves through his book titled ‘The New Furkan’ that should be the answer to the Qur’anic challenging to mankind till the Judgemant day which is to create something simillar to the Qur’an! Of course the try passed unnoticed and the whole project experienced an collosal breakdown

        For now just tipe in the you tube search line Ahmad Deedat Qur’an or Bible which is God’s Word

        Forgive me for my english, hope u understood everything

  29. Ghazi Hind Says:

    I never knew that brother tarek was the admin of this blog. May Allah protect him and release him soon. I also pray to Allah to give brother tarek and his family patience in this turbulent time. Brother Tarek and his Family are in my duas.

  30. assalaam o alaykum,

    or u can simply click this link to see it:

    plz see it and plz coment


    wassalaam o alaykum


  31. Salahuddin Ayyubi Al-Fursan Says:

    I left my house and parents for the sake of safeguarding my Deen but I just returned since they persistently called back and ever since I read this, I calm myself and help them as much as is required!

  32. As salamu alaykum. Dear brothers and sisters. How proud and over happy can one be, reading so much of khayr, islam, love… I went on some page to give my contribution sighning the petition for the releasing of our brother, although I don’t know him. But I love him as much as I love all of You brothers and sisters, thinking of You to be honest and sincere. I just want to make a dua to Allah swt. for You all, and especially for our brothers and sisters as they are in kafeer prisons-to help them and to ease them, to take care of them who keeps them in prisons, and to our brothers and sisters mujahids wherever they are fighting for Allah swt word to be upper. Best wishes from Bosnia. As salamu alaykum we rahmatullahi we barakatuhu.

    • steeds of war Says:

      Asalamu alaikum WRWB Ameen and may Allah protect and rise up our brothers and sisters in Bosnia and all over the this earth
      Jazakillah Khayr for your dua for us may give you Shaheed on His path ameen Love you feesabililah , may we who care unite and be assembled with the righteous in this life and the next GO FORTH ALLAH AKBAR

      • Ameen.
        As You can see in the news the rigjteous brothers and sisters these days have many problems because of their faith.
        Seven our brothers are inprisoned, and their families are withouth their leaders.
        Please brothers and sisters make Dua for them, to Allah swt to give them food, clothes etc.
        They are inprisoned only because they say: My Lord is Allah… And they want to live by His swt rouls.
        JazakAllahu khajren.
        Es selamu alaykom.

  33. may Allah(subhanahu wa ta’alla) free you O Abu Sabaya and return you home safely. may Allah make this fitnah a blessing and only a means of increasing you in emaan and tawakull in Allah(subhnahu wa ta’alla)!!!

  34. Posvećeno Čečeniji. Zemlji kojoj je učinjena nepravda, a koja ne klonu niti ustuknu. Njenim stanovnicima koji poslaše najmilije u hladni planinski zagrljaj. I vođi njenih boraca što zamijeni prolazno za vječno, Hattabu…

  35. steeds of war Says:

    If you tell a lie long enough the fools will believe you but not someone who only bows his head to Allah swt) so as my dear sister said you have reached your peak written as a lying kafr you must be proud of yourself fool

  36. As salamu alaykum.
    Dear brothers and sisters.
    Finally in Bosnia kafeers, murteds and munafeeks did it.
    Seven our brothers are inprisoned just because they say Allah is my Lord, and We are only his slaves.

    Es selamu alaykom.

  37. Ibnul Akwa Says:

    mashallah, add a brother to your blog roll

  38. May Allah help you to spread authentic Islamic knowledge and revive the sunnah as well as hold on the rope of Allah as the companions of our Prophet Mumuhammad {saw} held it.

    If you have time, please visit my site :

    It will be a gift gor me if you give me any suggetion.JAJAKALLAH KHAYR.

  39. true , true and so true what else i could say May Allah Bless you

  40. fuck mohammed Says:

    Muslims will all die soon.

    • Muwahhidah Says:

      Take note, may Allah guide you. This is from elsewhere on this site (may Allaah safeguard Abu Sabaya and reward him):

      Sheikh ul Islam Ibn Taymiyyah rahimahullah wrote in his book “As-Sarim Al-Maslul ‘ala Shatim ar-Rasul” regarding Allaah’s sunnah with those who insult His Messenger:

      “…And from the ways of Allah is that in regards to those who harm Allah and His Messenger whom the believers cannot punish, then Allah Himself takes sufficient revenge on behalf of His Messenger. For example, the story of Allah’s one-by-one destruction of those who mocked the Prophet (peace be upon him) is well known, as has been mentioned by the scholars of history and tafsir. They were a small group of the heads of Quraysh, including al-Walid bin Mughirah, al-‘As bin Wa’il, al-Aswadan bin ‘Abd al-Mutallib, Ibn ‘Abd Yaghuth, and al-Harith bin Qays.

      Also, the Prophet (peace be upon him) wrote to Kisra (the king of Persia) and Caesar (the king of Rome), while neither of them had entered into Islam. However, Caesar respected the letter of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), and treated his ambassador in a fine manner, so his kingdom was kept for him, and this is why it was said: “His kingdom remains for him among his descendants until today.” As for Kisra, he tore the letter of the Messenger of Allah into pieces and mocked him. As a result, Allah caused Kisra to be killed soon after, and caused his kingdom to be torn into pieces, and there did not remain for any of the future Kisras any kingdom, and this – and Allah Knows best – is in accordance with the phrase “the flesh of the scholars is poisonous.” So, how would it be with the flesh of the Prophets (peace be upon them)?

      And in the ‘Sahih,’ it is narrated: “Allah the Exalted says: “Whoever declares his enmity to a close ally of Mine, then I declare war on him.”” So, how would it be in the case of the one who declares his enmity to the Prophets?

      Whoever Allah declares war upon, then he will no doubt be fought!

      If you read the stories of the Prophets mentioned in the Qur’an, then you will find that their people were destroyed the moment they began harming their Prophets by throwing at them the nastiest of words and actions. This is how the Children of Israel had humiliation thrown upon them, and this is how they earned the anger of Allah, and they had nobody to help them against Him – all of this, because they killed the Prophets without any right, in addition to their disbelief, as Allah mentioned in His Book. And you will not find anybody who ever harmed a Prophet from the Prophets – and did not repent from this – except that Allah would strike him with some type of calamity or disaster soon after. And we have previously mentioned the efforts of the Muslims in hastening their punishment of the disbelievers who insulted the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), and we mentioned many different examples of this, and this is a wide door of discussion that cannot be mentioned here in its entirety.

      An example of this is what has been mentioned regarding a huge group of the Muslims in our times, when they were laying siege to the fortresses and cities of the Romans on the Syrian coast. They said: “We used to lay siege to the castle or city for a month or more without being able to penetrate it. As soon as we would hear that its people began insulting the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and attacking his honor, our victory over them was suddenly and miraculously made quick and easy, and would not come beyond a day or two afterward. The gates of the area would open, and we would proceed to attack them severely. We would be extremely happy with this speedy victory when we heard their slander of him (peace be upon him), despite our hearts being filled with rage because of what they had said.”

      And similar accounts were narrated from our trustworthy companions from Morocco, as their incidents with the Christians there were similar.

      So, from the ways of Allah is that He sometimes punishes His enemies with a torment of His own, and He sometimes does so at the hands of His believing servants.”

      [‘as-Sarim al-Maslul ‘ala Shatim ar-Rasul’; 2/233]

  41. to see how islam changed the world, please visit here

  42. Kalsoom abu sabayas gf Says:

    My boyfriend you were mentally ill bipolar patient you need risperidal 2 mg
    And a shot in the ass because
    You are in the wrong jail
    You need to lay in your bed in my mother in laws house and rest there with risperidal everynight im your girlfriend remember me you went bipolar after we cybered on the net and just did something weird j think you should next time read ghazlli books and say bitch devil to ibn kathir books!

  43. Kalsoom khaan haroon some spanish girl Says:

    Ya tareq ahuuboka ghuroor

    Aiyn ana lak

    Ya tareq i ser in my sapna that you cheated on me my boy friend!!#############

    Why you cheat on me and go to jail!
    You were my sweet 16!

    I would have served your mother tea and boiled eggs every morning
    Even wash her clothes

    Consider me her daughter in law

    I also did the secret sin when you stopped preaching like jesus my muhammin on the net. ….

  44. Kalsoom khaan haroon some spanish girl Says:

    And tareq your mother and my mother is the same anything that happened to her happened to her…

    I love you tareq

  45. Kalsoom khaan haroon some spanish girl Says:

    I feel like a a spanish slut while on risperidal after having pms…

    Im a pushtoon from israel

    Love kumo k your girlfriend

  46. Kalsoom khaan haroon some spanish girl Says:

    I feel like always having sex on risperidal!!!!!!!
    Even though i was a self respecting niqaabi before the big angry pms!

  47. Kalsoom khaan haroon some spanish girl Says:

    I feel sexual without the orgasm on on risperidal big boobs sex sex sex

    I dunno what marriage is??

    Im 15 now 30???

  48. Kalsoom khaan haroon some spanish girl Says:

    I feel like every thing is made of plastic in america the trees the air

    Like all life is in syrian dust

    Watch my

    Kalsum khan

    No hijaab no notbing

  49. Abu sabaya you are my baby!

    Abu sabayah since you have been taken
    Prisoner jailed there’s no man left on earth!

    Abu sabaya you my man I love you
    I’m married to you!

    You are my Jesus Abu sabayah!

  50. Show, excellent!!

  51. Really very interesting…

  52. may Allah free you soon. If you ever read this respected brother, then know that the seeds of your Da’wah bore fruits and many brothers and sisters benefitted from your articles and translations. May Allah let this be heavy on your scales on the Day of Judgement and may He give you patience and steadfastness in prison.

  53. Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh dear brother. InshaAllah you are doing well and will master your test from Allah by leaving with higher eeman than before. May Allah keep you steadfast and protect you for the Ummah. The texts you translated and published for us here are truly gems. Maybe the day you will be released from prison you will read these comments and it would give you some happiness inshaAllah. May Allah hasten your release and make you from among the truthful and accept your works. Amin.

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