Our Parents: Our Masters

These are collected from as-Samarqandi’s ‘Tambih al-Ghafilin’ (p. 84-91):

From the chapter on the rights of the parents:

1 – Ibn ‘Abbas said:

“There is not a single believer who has two parents and wakes up while he is good to them except that Allah opens up for him two gates to Paradise, and if he makes one of them angry, Allah will not be Pleased with him until that parent becomes pleased with him again.” It was asked: “Even if that parent was oppressive and in the wrong?” It was replied: “Yes, even so. And he never wakes up while he is bad to them except that Allah opens up for him two gates to Hell.”

2 – as-Samarqandi said:

“If Allah – the Exalted – had not mentioned the position and sacredness of the parents in His Book, and did not admonish regarding it, then it would have been realized by simple logic. So, it is obligatory upon the one with logic and intelligence to realize their sacredness and to fulfill their rights. How is it, then, when Allah – the Exalted – has mentioned this in all of His Books: the Torah, the Gospels, the Psalms and the Qur’an, has commanded this in all of His Books, and revealed this to all of His Prophets and advised them regarding the honorable position of the parents and their rights, and has made His Pleasure dependent on their pleasure, and His Anger dependent on their anger?”

3 – Farqad as-Sabakhi said:

“I have read in many books that it is not for the son (or daughter) to speak in the presence of the parents except with their permission, or to walk in front of them, or to their right or left, unless they call him to walk next to them. Rather, he should walk behind them as a slave walks behind his master.”

4 – It was said by a group of the Tabi’in:

“Whoever supplicates for his parents five times in a day has fulfilled their rights, since Allah has Said: {“…to thank Me and your parents. To Me is the final return.”} [Luqman; 14], and you thank Allah – the Exalted – by praying five times in a day. Likewise, you would thank your parents by praying for them five times in a day.”

5 – It was said by a group of the Companions:

“To leave off praying for one’s parents results in a tight and constricted life for the son.”

And let’s not forget about the rights upon the parents:

6 – as-Samarqandi related that Abu Hafs al-Iskandrani – one of the scholars of Uzbekistan – said that a man came to him and said:

“My son hit me and hurt me!” The scholar said: “Glory be to Allah! A son hitting his father? Have you taught him manners and knowledge?” The man said: “No.” “Have you taught him the Qur’an?” The man replied: “No.” “So, what does he know how to do?” The man replied: “Farming.” “Do you know why he hit you?” The man replied: “No.” The scholar then said: “It might have been that when he woke up in the morning, he went to the fields, was riding on a donkey, had a stick between his hands, had a dog behind him, and did not have any knowledge of the Qur’an (because you failed to teach him any of it). So, he started singing, you came out to him at that moment, he thought you were a cow, and hit you with the stick. So, thank Allah that your skull was not fractured.”

7 – It was narrated by one of the early righteous people:

…that he would not order his son with something, and if he needed something, he would ask someone else for it. When he was asked about this, he said: “I fear that if I were to command my son with something that he wouldn’t be able to bear, he would not carry it out and would therefore be disobedient to me and would deserve Hell as a result, and I do not want to be the cause of my son burning in Hell.”

14 Responses to “Our Parents: Our Masters”

  1. Jazakuallah khair for this beautiful reminder. May Allah reward you in this life n the hereafter

  2. JazakAllah.. I need this reminder everyday…*sigh*

  3. ummafnaan Says:

    Subhanallah! Very touching and beneficial reminder!

    “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor.
    And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.” {Al-Isra’ 23-24}

  4. Ghurabaa Says:

    Jazakallahu khair

    What should one do when parents do something abominable?

    One should first talk to them if nothing works then abhor it in his/her heart.

    The Book of Faith (Kitab Al-Iman)
    Muslim :: Book 1 : Hadith 79
    It is narrated on the authority of Tariq b. Shihab: It was Marwan who initiated (the practice) of delivering khutbah (address) before the prayer on the ‘Id day. A man stood up and said: Prayer should precede khutbah. He (Marwan) remarked, This (practice) has been done away with. Upon this Abu Sa’id remarked: This man has performed (his duty) laid on him. I heard the Messenger of Allah as saying: He who amongst you sees something abominable should modify it with the help of his hand; and if he has not strength enough to do it, then he should do it with his tongue, and if he has not strength enough to do it, (even) then he should (abhor it) from his heart, and that is the least of faith.

    Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Allah loves that you be just toward your children even when kissing them.” (Ibn Al-Najjar)

  5. Salaamun alaykum, brother. May I ask, how about parents who not just neglect their children but cause harm to them when they were young? Is it permissible and enough for the child to only pray for them but does not want to be close to them anymore, for fear of more harm? Will Allah be pleased with him being distant like that?

  6. abusalih Says:

    salam akhi, very beautiful advise. I believe many students of knowledge learn about Islam and behave arrogantly and disrespect their parent. And when the story above of the scholar who was asked by a man who was hit by his parents, why so? It was because he didnt learn Quran, learn Islam. So what about those who do learn islam and quran and still behave that way, then they honestly didnt learn quran for the right reason, and they havent truly understood what they learnt. Because we learn to practice.

  7. zanzabeel Says:

    Asalamu Alaikum wrwb , to Lu Lu masha’Allah beautiful name , If a parent abuses their rights as a parent , then they will lose , you as a muslim must do what benefits yourself and look at what has the greater benefit or harm , there are unfotunately many children who can be really damaged from a parent . and this can affect their early adult life , it is all the Qadar of Allah and these hardships are our spiritual uplifting Alhumduillah, but if there is fear for your personal safety then Allah doesn’t want his slave to suffer more and once you know the snake you shouildn’t be bitten twice , there are things you can do from a distance so as not to break the ties but be smart as some muslim parents are dangerous , seek Allahs guidance as He is closer to you and understands your situation like no other, May Allah help you and make it easier for you

  8. zanzabeel Says:

    Asalamu Alaikum wrwb brother if your parent is dangerous and you know him or her to be a munafic or even left Islam , and you know they have evil intent towards you , I presume the same rights for a believer dose not apply . Where is the defining line between your personal safety and parents rights ?

  9. Abu Hurayrah – radi Allaahu ‘anhu – once saw two men. He asked one of them, “How is this man related to you?” He replied, “He is my father.” Abu Hurayrah said, “Do not call him by his name, do not walk in front of him and do not sit before he does.”

    Al-Bukhârî, Al-Adab Al-Mufrad. Shaykh Al-Albânî graded its chain of transmission sahîh in Sahîh Al-Adab Al-Mufrad Vol. 1 p19.

  10. Jazakallahu khair zanzabeel
    Yes i wanted to ask the very same question you asked..
    May other brothers can help clarify on this matter

  11. Umm Ruqayya Says:

    As Salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah

    Just a few days before I posted a question (to our shaykhs) regarding the rights of the parents and the obligations we do have towards them and towards our deen. The question was about sisters who are on haqq, and who decided to leave the parents house..so from what point if becomes an obligation to make such kind of hijrah, and from what point it is even haram to take such an action.. Well this is what I understood from the answer,

    If one is living with parents who are disbelievers (christians, jews, etc), he has to leave that house, he has to leave his/her parents (no matter if they agree or do not agree with your Deen), it is his obligation

    Also, if the parents are “muslims”, but they do forbidd something from the fardh (salah, reading and listening Kur’an, wearing hijab, wearing beard..etc) we have to leave them (no matter what kind of prohibition they are taking against one, even if they do not touch you, and more obligatory if they are violent

    Every other problem with our parents does not fit in to the frame of leaving them, they might call you with some stupid names, they might make your live be a hell, but .. if they are not kufar, if they do not prohibit you something from the fardh (note for sisters: if they let you practice your deen, but do not allow you wearing the hijab, you have to take hijrah, so it might be only one fardh they forbid you, doesn’t matter, still you have to leave, they are not above Allah and what He declared), if they are not violent, ..etc.. there is no way it could become halal for us to leave them

    BUT REMEMBER, NO MATTER FROM WHAT KIND OF THEY ARE, WE HAVE TO BE GRACEFULL TOWARDS THEM, AND WE HAVE TO CALL THEM TO THE HAQQ (exept if they are fighting against us (in Jihad), like it was the case in the time of our Prophet salAllahu alejhi we Sellem, and that is the only way and situation we can hurt them) AND WE HAVE TO CALL THEM TO THE HAQQ

    Hope I was helpfull at least a little, please still verify these words, it could be that i did not understood very well, so just in case, check for you self

    Please, listen to these words, does not last long, 4-5 minutes only, but very beneficial

    Was-Salam

    • zanjabeel Says:

      Jazakillah Khayr sister very useful ilm and it sounds right logical reasonable khayr insha’Allah in all our situations ameen

  12. sheik hyder Says:

    Glory be to Allah.Jazakumullah for the valuable posting.May Allah reward you. Keep remembering me in your Prayers.

  13. Anonymous Says:

    what do we do in case the parents show considerable favoritism towards some siblings and practically hate the remaining one, to the extent that they do not even want to hear his/her voice, make him/her do all the work in the house whereas the others don’t do any thing, and indicate considerable hasad(envy) when Allah rewards this one with blessings the siblings don’t get. in other words, practically this person was living the life of Cinderella, except that the siblings were werer his/her own.and not step .

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